As you go through the dating game (and yes I am afraid it really is a game) you come to realise that you really do have unrealistic expectations. I thought maybe it was just me but it appears not. I wonder why this could be and I have a theory……..
As a little girl you are hypnotised if not brainwashed by Disney fairy tales and the prospect that one day your chiselled prince will come along on a white horse and whisk you off your feet and make you fall so deeply in love with him. He does this by being totalling amazing of course and looking at you like no one else will have before and supposedly never will again. He does all the gentlemanly things like ask your fathers permission and brings you flowers and in the case of beauty and beast gets you to fall in love with his beautiful kind personality before turning into a beautiful chiselled prince. Then they all have the glorious weddings with so many people and no expenses spared and live happily ever after!!
It doesn’t end with Disney. Some of films we watch as adults are the same. Whether it’s Serendipity that makes you believe there is one person for everyone and things are all about fate or Dirty Dancing where a girl can tame a bad boy or The Notebook where class and money cannot beat the love 2 people have for each other.
When looking for love the best thing you can do is put these stories out of your mind.
The reality is that prince charming does not exist for everyone. Of all the people I know in my life there is only 1 couple I know that look at each other the way they do in the movies. They did it recently whilst at a funeral and my mum said to me “look at the way he looks at her, it’s like the first time they saw each other, you can tell they love each other so much” watching them you could see what she meant and she was right.
In reality I think you have to be extremely lucky to find someone on your level let alone your prince charming.
Taking the movies one by one here’s my experience of how it actually goes down.
Serendipity – A chance meeting over a pair of gloves at Christmas leads to 2 people sharing a coffee at a café and deciding to sign 2 different objects with their telephone numbers to things to see if fate will bring them back together so they can meet again. They both cannot forget about each other and spends years searching to find each other again, until they eventually do.
Ok, well the reality is that blokes would never spend years looking for a girl they shared a coffee with but didn’t actually sleep with they would give up after a day as let’s face it its way too much effort. I wish I could believe in fate and everything happens for a reason and maybe it really does but I think I am yet to be convinced.
Dirty Dancing – We all know the story here but essentially the bit I will focus on is this girl’s ability to get a guy who regularly sleeps with lots of women to change his ways and to fall in love with her just because she is nice person.
Ok, well the reality is that leopards do not change their spots. If a guy is a player and a ladies man then you cannot tame him. You are no different from anyone else and unless you have super powers it’s not going to happen. The actual reality in dirty dancing in terms of not be able to tame a bad boy is ‘Robbie’
The Notebook – The story of 2 people falling in love regardless of their background and status. In a way a little similar to Cinderella, Titanic and even Shrek.
The reality is that it does matter because someone will always disagree and make your relationship impossible to happen. Everyone always has an opinion on you and your relationship. Years apart do not mean you will find each other again and you can’t just run away together and hide in a bog like they do in Shrek.
Music can also fill your head with idealistic love. There are very few people in this world that would probably catch a grenade for anyone, rule the world with you, cry you a river, write you love letters starting Dear Darlin’, say “I will wait for you”, or say “I love the way you lie”.
The reality of how dating and love really happens in this day and age is one of endless requests for pictures and ‘sexting’. Gone are the days of wooing a girl with flowers, impressive dates or asking a girl’s father for permission.
This is not to say that I have given up on the prospect that one day I will meet my modern day version of prince charming. I think I am just more realistic that no one is perfect and everyone messes up and you will get hurt. Most of all I have accepted that Tom Hardy or anyone else for that matter is not very likely to just turn up at my work in a uniform and pick me up and carry me out the building.
Everyone’s advice currently is maybe I am looking too hard. I am not sure if that is possible to do but as work takes up a lot of your life and gone are the days where you could go out and meet someone at your local pub or through friends. I not sure us single folk have much of a choice but to look for love.
I also get told a lot that I should enjoy the time alone. No offence but this generally comes from people in a relationship. It is coming up to 2 years next month that I have been single and as much as I have enjoyed it I miss the little things the most. Things like cuddling up on the sofa watching a movie, going out for dinner, having someone to talk to about the silly little things that happen at work or just having someone there really to do spontaneous days out with.
I am not giving up on romance or finding love but having got to the point where I am thinking ‘All these fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I’ll be sick’ Is my favourite line in a song something has to change!!
I am hopeful that my modern day prince is out there somewhere and that he is currently doing a very good job of hiding. They do say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince but bloody hell. I think I have had frogs, toads, dragons, newts and even a beetle (Not a dung beetle though – sorry scatman).
When I do find him I truly hope that he proves all of the above wrong and that my theory is one based purely on the fact that this dating game is not half the fun I thought it would be. Don’t ever wish yourself to be single.
Love Brighton Dating Girl x